Where has the time gone to? It's almost the end of the year, Autumn is over with, and so my heart goes with it, but i do love the snow, and the promise of a wintry kiss on the cheeks from the wind breezing through the pines, and carrying the heavenly scent of the fresh pine sap, wood stove smoke, and the clean fresh air. I've tried to get a handle on my fears, it is hard though at times. I do ponder with greaty intensity as to who i will end up with, who i will share my life with, and when and where will this man be? I don't like missed oppurtunities. I have seen the New Moon movie, and as a true "Twilighter" I adored the film. you have to be able to look past the vampire/wolf/mortal enemy/immortal thing and see the real passion and spark of a first time true love. the excitement, the suspense, the butterflys. As a jaded and wise adult, i do terribly miss those feelings, and that is what i am searching for. romance, the real chivalrous kind. a true gentleman. hmmm, i'm getting tired, it is late, and therefor my journal is going to become very delirious, and strange and will not make any sense whatsoever, so i bid you goodnight, and sweet dreams fellow deviantart members, and to whoever else that might be browsing my page.

OOooooOOooh! Tis' Autumn again! How I do love this time of year! So many wonderous smells, such as the spiced apple butter I am making, the prickly pear jelly. So many sights (ok here in my town it's mostly pine trees, but there is a sprinkling of the pretty color changing trees) I love the carraige rides around the courthouse, snuggled up with a mug of mulled cider. *sighs* on another note, as of late, I have been having some severe panic attacks, mainly due to the fact that i think about death too much. I am absolutley terrified of dying. I have this want, to become a vampire. As hiddeous as it may seem, they are immortal. They are beautiful, and everything I want to be. (ok ok, I have read the Twilight series, and thus my panic has spawned from that) Laugh now, but I am scared of gray hair and wrinkles, I want to forever be young, and beautiful. I have started a quest to seek out vampires, the real ones. I know I know, some may find this so very trifle, some may find it a ludacris obsession. Say what you will, I just have never run true to the course of the general public, i tend to go off on my own tangent. That path is dark, dreamy, romantic, gothic, traditional, and old century. I truly believe I was born 200 years too late. I feel like I just don't belong in this century. I shall continue my quest, hopefully draw close to the end I want, immortality. God knows i do not forsake him, i just am not ready in this lifetime nor any future ones, to go....to wherever it is we go when we die.

crap, i lost the entry i was just about to enter, anways, i've submitted some new art, and well, i don't like any of them i don't even like ANY of my photos in the gallery, they all are horrible, and plain, and then i view others work, and they have such crisp and clear photos that pack a whallop of dramatic-ness. so i get frustrtated, thus ruining my day, and all hopes of catching that one pristine moment, and all i ever seem to take photos of is friggin flowers, AACCKK! i think this is how artists, no matter the type, work, we creat a masterpiece, trash it because we think it sucks, re do it a million more times over, then realize that the first one was the best, and then we are screwed, we can't recreate it. it's a vicious cycle that can't be broken. thats pure madness and i think it has taken over my brain hahahahahahahah either it's from lack of sleep or i've really lost my marbles, and i'm leaning towards the wayward marbles! damn, i really am pissed i just lost a journal i was going to post, i had some witty comments in it and now i can't remember them, WTF?! anyways, Summer, thank god, because winter was making me shrivel up. with summer comes intrigue, romance, giggles, and cutoff shorts ( i refuse to wear them and we won't get into the reasons either) I have giggles, and intrigue, and i'm pretty sure that romance is in the stars for me. lets hope so, because when mandy is lovestruck (not always meaning i'm in love, but more hopelessly infatuated) i seem to produce some of my best pieces. This blooming "Romance" of mine, well.......(daydreaming, give me a second here)..........he is so amazingly handsome, and kind, and sweet, funny, and we've never met face to face, only been texting, lol , i know wierd, but i think we seem to get along pretty good, and i hope we really hit it off. i want to extend my photo places, such as to Tucson, where the monsoons are spectacular and lightning is abundant, and yes, i will stand atop a barren hill in a lightning storm with my camera and tripod trying to get that perfect shot, just because i'll be out of my mind when doing so. i don't care if a cactus 2 feet away got struck, it just provided GREAT backlighting fo rmy photo i just took, suck it up! well that and i want to visit old ghost towns and haunted locations, provoke the spirits, come one, shove me down the stairs, you pansy ass. ok, i really think the infected mind is getting to me, take care everyone!

So I have been so cray busy lately, that i haven't had 5 minutes to myself! i had by handsome son on July 29, Wyatt Kaiden Placencia, he's now 3 months old, and such a wonderfully good baby, almost sleeping through the night! The Dr who did my c-section bothced it, and i've just finally healed 2 days ago. The incision began to open back up that night, and through numerous treatments at a wound care clinic, and the use of a wound VAC (vaccum assited closure) which is basically a tube that is out into the incision, packed with foam and super taped over, the machine turns on and it vaccum seals it shut. but everything else has gone so well, although i am still getting used to juggling two kids (ifi had anymore i would lose my mind), it has been such a blessing. i really feel like the luckiest woman in the world, i have my beautiful children, my loving hubby, *sighs* all is fantastical! So i promis to try and keep this updted at least once a month! Take care everyone!

So, i was browsing around online for photography classes and stumbled upon the New York Institute of Photography. I had them send me a cataloug and other info, being that i am at 8 months prego, and ready to pop, the idea of a home-based class, was rather appealing to me, so your enroll, they send you all the materials books, tapes, visual aides, etc.. and then you can learn at your own pace, and when you do the assignments, there is no deadline, just complete them at your leisure. now that sounds like a pretty good deal, and at a full enrollment fee of right around $1,000, i'm not so sure...i want to be absolutley positive that this place is legite, and that they can follow through with what they advertise, i know that they can't just snap thier fingers and make you a pro, obvioulsy you have to work at it, but on the same hand, what kind of facility are they? are they credit worthy? are the legite? has anyone ever heard of them before? and if you have, has it been good or bad? i'm just putting this out there, because if i'm going to spend the money and the time to do this, i want to know that i'm not getting jipped on it, to know that when and if i do complete this course, that i will recieve a credible certificate saying i've completed the neccessary to becoming a pro at photography. hmmm, just wanted to know if anyone else has come across this school, any advice or help would be greatly appreciated, thier website addy is [link] if anyone is interested in checking it out, and letting me know thier honest brutal opinion.